Grieve For Those You Lost
by TheAngelofFate
Summary: Grief is a powerful thing. It can come in so many forms throughout one's lifetime, but mostly so at the loss of a loved one. In the aftermath from the events of Dark Phoenix, Charles finally gets a chance to truly grieve for everything he's lost, and naturally Erik, his only friend, is there to pick up the pieces. (No Slash, just platonic friendship. Please R&R)


Having been one of the few people out there in the world that actually liked Dark Phoenix, I do what I always do when I get back into this franchise that I love, write about it and I absolutely loved this movie despite the flaws some may say it has.

I hope you all enjoy it.

* * *

Erik was feeling a sense of _déjà vu_ as he hitched a ride in the X-Jet back to the Institute.

He wouldn't have normally done so, but seeing as the Manor was closer in distance then Genosha was, Erik just thought it more logical that he would just go with them. He'd rest up in his old room —which he knew for a fact that Charles kept reserved just as he kept Raven's room the same way after the events of Cuba— and then leave in a day or two like he did last time he hitched a ride back with his old friend and his students.

Despite how exhausted he was feeling, Erik, at first doubted that he was going to be able to get any sleep at all, given after what they all had just been through, fell asleep even before his head hit the pillow.

However, that still didn't stop what happened next.

It was around 3 in the morning, when Erik was awoken with a jolt of emotions. His once dreamless, restless sleep were now plagued with images that he didn't remember having. He saw fragments of memories, ones of a little girl with red hair, whom Erik knew immediately was Jean, Erik watched as the images of Jean morphed and changed as she grew through the years.

Then those images faded to the Jean they had just watched sacrifice herself merely a few hours previously.

The fading flashes changed and _suddenly Raven was there, standing in front of Jean, trying to calm her down. And even asleep, and powerless to do anything, Erik wanted so desperately to stop what she was about to do. Because from personal experience, Erik knew that physical contact with someone that's on the verge of violent hysterics, was something that should never be done. Erik knew this, and yet it happened regardless. For just seconds later, Jean's power exploded from her, and and Raven was flown backward and... was pierced through the abdomen by a wooden spike._

Watching it, seeing _exactly_ what happened to Raven, was so gut wrenching... so _horrifying_ to Erik that the shock of it all caused him to let out a muffled scream, which caused him to wake with a jolting start as he sat straight up in bed, heaving out large labored breathes.

As he sat there, alone in his room trying to compose himself, it didn't take him very long to understand that those images weren't his at all, but they were in fact, Charles' memories of these last couple days.

And despite everything that transpired, despite all the drama that came after the events on the train, with the President and the media, and humans once again being scared of Mutants, Erik still founded himself growing concerned for Charles, as he often did.

Without a second thought, Erik was up on his feet and heading down the hallway towards the study. Because in Raven's own words, that's "_where Charles always went whenever he had a nightmare"_, that reading for Charles had always helped calm him down in the past. But from the sheer intensity of the nightmare itself, Erik knew that a few chapters of _Turtle Moon_ wouldn't help Charles this time around. For Raven's death, as well as Jean's, were still so very new, they were like a fresh open wound in Charles' heart. And by the implications of that mere nightmare, they seemed to be festering.

Erik didn't even bother to use his hand to turn the doorknob, simply he waved the oak wooden door open with his hand, and stepped inside. And what he saw was something he hadn't seen since those few short days back in 1973.

A broken, guilt ridden man.

It was always so strange seeing Charles like this. Not to say that there was anything wrong with it, but seeing as Charles was the pinnacle of optimism, and hope. Seeing Charles anything but _that_ truly was unreal and even more hard to witness, showing Erik just how broken his friend really was.

Charles had his wheelchair pulled up to a table, a much taller one then the one Erik remembered using as he and Erik had their second round of chess all those years ago in 1962.

The telepath was leaning against it, arms resting against the maple wood, Charles' back was hunched, head bowed and holding a glass of brandy.

The scene felt all too familiar, it was like walking _déjà vu _all over again, where instead of himself in that position, it was now Charles.

Slowly, he made his way forward.

He approached the man, and gently took away the drink —that he now realized, upon closer expectation, hadn't hardly been touched at all— out of Charles' hand, placing it to the side as Erik himself, sat down a crossed from him. "Charles?" And as he looked at his friend, he watched as Charles actually tried to shrug off his emotions, and pretend that he was fine.

Still staring at his hand, where the glass had once been, Charles cleared his throat. "What are you doing here, Erik?" The question sounded like it held a little more weight on it then simply asking why Erik was currently in the study.

But Erik leaned back a bit, and crossed his legs. "You were projecting, and I... I _saw_—" He trailer off, unable to finish his sentence as he tried hard to not relive that memory.

Though, he couldn't see Charles' face, he could tell that he felt such guilt, and it wasn't just for showing Erik what happened to his sister.

"I'm sorry, Erik. I never meant for you to see that." Then within a fraction of a second, the threads of the nightmare that still lingered within Erik's mind were now replaced with a memory of Raven, a memory of Erik's that he had of her long ago, long before the events of Washington.

It was a simple memory, _they were holding each other, just embracing the other while they hide away from the rest of the world, a world that didn't understand them. _

Simple, and yet it still managed to make Erik's throat tighten with emotion, as he looked at the carpet beneath his feet. Charles must have been trying to help, to try and take away the pain of watching Raven die, an apology of sorts without having to say the actual words again.

Because there was only so much worse alone, could do.

Erik knew from his own experiences that words weren't enough to make the pain dissipate. In the beginning, back in 1962, meeting Charles, Raven and everyone; spending time with them, knowing that he wasn't alone. Had been an incredibly comforting thought. But not even Charles' kind words, his views and empathy were enough to make Erik's pain go away.

For the loss of a loved one was just too great to bare alone, and there was the crux of it all. Charles could go inside someone's mind, _see_ their memories but it was never _truly_ the same as actually experiencing that trauma first hand, experiencing that gut wrenching agony that would leave you doubled over on the ground with its sheer intensity.

And while he could empathize as well as sympathize with a person, it once again wasn't the same. And that's, sadly, what Charles never truly understood.

Until now, losing Raven and Jean. Knowing that his own sister and —truth be told— surrogate daughter, were gone because of something _he_ did, was the worst loss Charles had experienced since 1962. Erik realized that this really was the first time Charles knew _exactly_ what Erik has gone through throughout his life. It took the telepath 30 years to do so, but now he knew.

Still though, just because Charles knew of Erik's own pain, doesn't mean he was simply going to sit idly by and watch Charles be consumed by his demons, like Erik had.

Charles did it for Erik, and now Erik will do so for Charles. With that, he opened his mouth to speak— only for the telepath to interrupt him.

"I lied." He spoke out, his voice barely even a whisper but Erik heard it anyway. "I promised her when we were children, I promised both of them that I'd keep them safe."

Erik closed his eyes, but remained silent. Letting Charles speak, for he knew that this is what his friend needed.

Charles clinched his hands into fists, so hard that his knuckles turned white. "I gave her my word, but I failed. I failed her."

Erik, then, leaned forward in his chair. "_Who_, Charles?" He asked calmly, even though he knew exactly _who_, but in order for Charles to move on, he needed to say it, _really_ say it with his entire heart.

Slowly, Charles lifted his head from his hands just enough for Erik to see his eyes, rimmed red and bloodshot. "Raven." The telepath manages, and then _everything_ that made Charles the smart, confident Professor that he was, the facade he put up around him cracks almost brutally— and yet _somehow_ still manages to stay intact, but also still damaging none the less, all at the same time. It was like that single name was a slug hammer that fractured the very mental walls Charles had built around himself to keep the pain out. "_Raven_..." His sister's name falling from his lips in a tone of utter brokenness as fresh tears cascaded down his cheeks.

_Oh god, Raven... _Charles projected through his mental link with Erik, the sheer utter brokenness within that voice caused Erik's own eyes to become misty. _Raven, I'm so sorry. _

Erik remained silent still as Charles projected his thoughts of agony. A choked sob escape the telepath, as he buried his face in his hands, "God, this is all my fault."

And the truly sad part about it all? Is that Erik couldn't really deny that it wasn't. As a loyal friend, he wanted to deny and say that it was Charles' fault. But as a realist, logically he knew that it was. "I can't say that it's not, but I know that your not entirely to blame. You didn't know that Jean would change so drastically—"

But once again, Charles interrupted him. "But I did, I _knew_ already, at least to a point _what_ Jean would become."

Erik blinked, confused. "What?"

Charles let out a hollow laugh that sounded more like another sob. "Back in 1973, I read Logan's mind, the man who came from the future and in his memories I saw her. Jean as an adult losing complete control of her powers." Charles paused and ran a hand over his scalp. "But it was simply her power, it was as if that darkness was already inside her. So I thought..." the telepath trailed off again, as he closed his eyes.

"I thought that if I just blocked out the pain when she was young, that I could save her. I never imagined the past would change to the extent that it did. To where instead of it being her power, it was because of a cosmic Solar Flare. I also didn't think it would have happened while she was still so young." Charles looked at his hands then, as they shook with emotion. "And because of me, because I failed Jean and Raven's— _my sister_... God Erik, my friend... what have I done?"

Erik, having watched this entire scene unfold, simply reached a crossed the table and grasped Charles' wrist with his hand, grounding his friend to reality as well as himself. "I'm sorry, Charles." And he was, truly he was. Despite having been on opposite sides just a mere few hours ago, Erik was deeply sorry for his friend. Because despite their values and disagreements, he never wanted Charles to go through something like this; the loss of a loved one, let alone that person be Raven. Because someone like Charles wouldn't have been able to handle the pain. "I don't know how or why all this happened, or why everything is so different then what you described and... I don't have the answers your seeking _but_ what I _do_ know is that you are not alone. And your not the only one who misses her, I do too." He admitted, because yes, he _did_ miss Raven.

He missed having to leave her behind, like he left everyone else behind when he founded Genosha, but he was also content with the fact that she had finally found where she truly belonged, no matter if it wasn't with him like they had always thought back in their days within the Brotherhood. "I told you back on that plane that I understood why she meant so much to you." And _oh_, how true those words were. During the short few years of Raven being with his Brotherhood, they had naturally began a relationship.

And it was blissful, she was as radiant as ever and Erik knew he didn't deserve her, but he held onto her regardless for as long as he could. "Hank was smitten with her and so was I. It's why I fought so hard to avenge her when I was told Jean killed her, I knew I wasn't thinking rationally but in that moment I was too angry to care." When Hank told him of Raven's death it was like the ground had suddenly disappeared from beneath him, as if someone stabbed him straight in the heart and ripped it out. The only other time he felt that heartache was when his precious Nina and Magda were taken from him.

Charles said nothing to his words, and Erik really didn't expect him too. Not when at this moment, the telepath was so too consumed with his grief. But he kept his hand firmly tight around Charles' wrist, anyway.

Because he knew that right now Charles needed stability, someone to keep him from falling and since Hank wasn't here, then Erik would do the best he could.

Then after a few minutes, Charles spoke, "Does it ever go away completely?" The question not only sounded so childlike coming from Charles, but giving how he was directing it towards Erik, the very man who has been to hell and back, when Charles knew very well that answer already, was proof enough that his friend was desperate.

Erik thought of everyone he's lost; his parents, Magda and Nina, and now _Raven_. And he was unsurprised, to find that the hurt was still there, like an open wound that would never heal, that would only grow with each new person he lost. Smiling sadly, he shook his head, "I wish I could say yes, but I can't, not in my experience." He admitted giving Charles' wrist a comforting squeeze. "But I think that it will get better, for you Charles. In time."

Then finally after what felt like hours, Charles finally looked up at him. And the action alone, seeing Erik's understanding, his calm and caring expression was enough to make the tears start flowing yet again, as he jerked his arm away from his friend's hold. "I'm responsible for my own sister's death, Erik." The metal bender watched as Charles pressed his index finger and thumb to his eyes, as his shoulders started to shake. "How am I suppose to... _accept_ that?" A choked sob tore it's way out of Charles' throat, it was so abupt and so raw—like he was trying to hold everything back— that Erik forgot his hesitancy, forgot his caution to take this situation slow, knowing that there was a possibly that Charles would regret Erik's offer of support.

Instead he simply acted, pushing the table to the side. Erik, gently grasped Charles' wrist again while simultaneously using his powers and moved the wheelchair towards him.

Then Erik reached up with his other hand and grasped the back of Charles' neck, gently he yanked him forward, where the top of his friends head made the slightest bit of contact with Erik's shoulder. "Mourn, my friend. Do what I never had a chance to do with the death of my parents— _Grieve _for her, for them both."

Charles, ever the stubborn person that he was, weakly attempted to keep up his facade, pretend he was fine, for all of three seconds before the walls he built to keep the pain away, cracked just a tad more, before disintegrating _completely_ and then—

And then Charles _shatters_.

Body trembling with grief, Charles let out a broken cry that sounded like a wounded animal, hunching forward as though he was wounded. He clung to Erik's lower arms for support, almost like Erik was the only thing left that was keeping him from falling in the abyss of guilt and agony, he was teetering over.

And at this point, with Raven gone, with society wary of mutants yet again, and Hank still feeling so very bitter about everything, Erik felt like this sentiment —that he was Charles last true companion— was true. "_Erik_..." Charles voice sound so very broken and miserable. "Oh, my friend. What am I suppose to do? How can I move on from this?"

"By honoring her, by proving to her that you can be better. That we _both_ can be better."

Another choked sob escaped Charles, _God, that doesn't feel like nearly enough. Not **nearly** enough._

Tears stung at Erik's own eyes then, he closed them to keep them at bay. No, it didn't. Of course it didn't. Simply honoring Raven didn't sound like nearly enough. Raven was the type of person who deserved the world but would never ask for it.

She was good, she was kind and she had such love in her heart for everyone.

But now she was gone, gone from both their lives —as well as many others like Hank and Kurt, seeing as that was his mother—, and it wasn't fair, but in all truth. nothing about either of their lives has ever been fair, _I know, my friend. But right now it's all we have. _

Gently, Erik held his friend up, —both physically and emotionally— keeping Charles from falling into the abyss that was his own guilt and pain, as he embraced his friend as best he could. And together, they grieved. Together, they mourned for the woman that impacted both their lives so immensely.

And afterwards, when Erik went back to Genosha and got wind from Storm that Charles had retired from being a Professor at the Institute, giving the position of the head of the school to Hank. Erik wasn't surprised in the least, he _should_ be, given how much Charles cherished that school as well as his student. But he wasn't, that place in Westchester held so many memories for Charles, his past, his present, his hardships through those years.

And most of those memories, contained Raven, as well as Jean. Erik understood completely why Charles couldn't stay there, why Charles didn't want to stay there.

Despite how lonely Charles must undoubtedly feel traveling on his own. His friend simply wasn't ready to go back home to Westchester and be a mentor just yet, right now he just needed time. Time to himself, time to grieve for what he's lost and move on from the mistakes he's made.

But Erik _knew_ Charles, knew that man more then he knew himself, and he knew the telepath wouldn't be able to stay away for long. The urge to help others, to want to teach them and be there for them was just too strong a pull. So with his chess set safely tucked inside it's storage case, he made his way to Paris to try and convince his friend— to try and teach Charles the very same lesson he had once taught Erik all those years ago.

That no matter _what_, no matter the mistakes, no matter the hardship through the years, everyone deserved a place to call home, that no one deserved to be alone. For Charles had once done that for Erik, saw that there was more to him then just his rage even after Erik had betrayed that trust, Charles still kept on believing that there was good, —even when he faltered slightly through the years— and in a way Charles saved his life because of it.

It was only natural that he returned the favor. His friend need a home, and Erik was more then willing to give him one. That was, at least, if Charles would accept his offer.

Erik smiled then, his hand tightened around the cool metal of the handle case and chuckled.

_Well_

That's why he brought the chess board.

* * *

I originally was not intending for this story to be as long as it got, it was actually suppose to be a lot shorter, so apologies for that. But regardless, it's done and I'm proud of it, I'm glad I can still write good friendship stories when it comes to Erik and Charles, their relationship has always been my favorite part in all the movies. And with this final installment to the franchise, I just felt that I had to write something for it.

So i decided to write about Charles and his delayed reaction to Raven's death (cause some have noticed that Charles didn't have as _huge_ of a reaction to Raven's legit death, at least not compared to when she almost died in Apocalypse) through Erik's perspective. To which I believe that's all it really was, a delayed reaction. If you think about it logically, Charles really didn't have time to grieve for his sister, not **truly**, not like he _needed_ too, because he had to find Jean and save her from herself.

Why did I choose Erik to be the one to comfort Charles?_ 1._ Because I love him, and truly how could I _not_? and 2. Cause I think that if _anyone_ understood the loss of a loved one then it'd be Erik, _especially_ since Erik and Raven had a relationship in the past, and he very clearly loved her dearly, enough to want revenge. Plus it gave me an excuse to write two grieving friends, with a dash of angst and comfort.

Anyway, a penny for your thoughts? Was it good? Bad? Feedback within reviews is always welcomed and appreciated, and I'll see you all in the next one.


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